My Favorite Marvin
by Tjin
Summary: Marvin Boggs is in the middle of a rather interesting job one cold November day when he is interrupted by a cat reading a sign post. I do not own Harry Potter or R.E.D


Marvin pursed his lips tightly as he stared at the goings on around him in confusion, he was pretty sure this wasn't a hallucination, they had a different flavor to them depending on the time of day and who was currently on the top pop thirty station.

He usually used that system to decide on if he was being crazy or irrational or not when Frank wasn't around to keep him somewhat grounded.

Of course he had just seen a man flick what looked suspiciously like a cigarette lighter at a lamp post and the light had floated down into his hand like a sakura petal floating off a tree so he wasn't anywhere near as sure of his system as he had been just a few minutes earlier.

That of course brought up a rather dark thought about his reaction to the schnitzel situation earlier in the year, maybe he had overreacted, maybe the tourist group hadn't needed to die, maybe it had been an accident and there was no dark world of magic users hiding behind a veil of secrecy that was currently in the midst of a civil war between radical zealots and a corrupt and bloated government system that would let them all-

The CIA operatives eyes dances about as his mind raced before alighting on the cat, the cat that he had seen earlier reading a sign post, the cat that had sat motionless for most of the day, the cat that had just turned into a woman, the cat that had-

Blinking at that Marvins mind spun its wheels for several seconds as he worked to process what had just happened.

Taking another lick of the air Marvin once again confirmed that he was still not in a hallucination, at least he was pretty sure.

Taking a deep breath Marvin moved towards the duo carefully as he kept a cautios eye out for anything else, he had learned a long time ago that things tended to happen in three's, if the bathrobe man and catwoman were the full extent of the weirdness he would write the whole thing off as a bad reaction to his fake cyanide ploy and possible brain damage from oxygen deprivation.

Anything else and he would have to accept this as real, glancing around he wondered if the disgustingly uniform world he found himself in was worthy of one of the counts before shaking the thought off, he had seen plenty of these prefab suberbs before and he had to take their existence as an unfortunate fact, a fact that Frank had been quiet clear he was not allowed to act against.

He had even taken away Marvins favorite flamethrower.

Oh well, he knew that nature abhorred places like this, mobile home parks had tornadoes, the lowland housings had floods, New York had… New Yorkers... and Little Whinging would have Marvin, at least it would if Marvin had anything to say about it.

And Marvin was pretty sure Marvin did.

Shaking his head to clear himself of the third person he had fallen into he glanced around again in search of further weirdness, the sign post at the end of the street was at a funny angle, odd but not weird, at least not to the level of the other two people.

The house down at the end of the street already had Christmas lights up, a sign of a demented mind if ever their was one but not weird, couldn't these horrible people not even wait until after thanksgiving.

Rubbing his hands together as he thought about all the horrible things that should be done to those that ignored thanksgiving Marvin took a deep breath, apparently there was no third sign and thus this was a delusion, why just look at the big man riding a motorcycle through the sky. How weird would it be if that was real?

Marvin blinked as he ran that thought back through his mental processes and sighed, A giant of a man riding a flying motorcycle did in fact qualify as weird, especially as he was headed towards the duo of other potential delusions.

Of course now that he was there it certainly counted as three and was therefore most likely real.

Which actually concerned Marvin more than he would like to admit; apparently magic was real, which meant that several of his more disturbing theories about the world at large were either suspect, or dangerously outdated.

The CIA operatives mind whirled as he watched the trio carefully set a bundle down by the door before all three of them argued for several more seconds before disappearing with a pop.

Marvin sat unmoving for several long seconds as he tried to decide what he should do, on the one hand this was deffinitly some next level shit, and he was currently wondering if it was worth it to break away from the CIA after all.

Were the drugs really that bad? The tortures he had endured? The murders? The long list of atrocities he had covered up at the request of his nation? Guatemala? The electric probes the Russians had put in very unpleasant places.

Frowning at that memory Marvin had to admit that the probes were probably going to haunt him for a good long time.

Taking another look around Marvin very carefully slipped out of his carefully crafted trash can disguise, brushed off the gathered rubbish he had accumulated over his day of observation and without a second thought moved with a purpose across the street.

That had actually been something he had learned from Joe not to terribly long ago, apparently people took notice when you tried to be inconspicuous, which necessitated a different, confident approach in most urban settings.

It went entirely against his personal feelings on the matter but Joe was only slightly better at this type of urban espionage than Frank.

Moving up to the porch Marvin grabbed the basket with a slight bend in his knees and without hesitation skipped back down the steps, it was a nerve wracking three block walk to the nearest bus station where Marvin made sure to turn his coat inside out changing it from a dull grey flight jacket to a deep navy pea coat before he placed a simple flat cap atop his head before he settled down to inspect what the trio had been so careful about.

The first thing he noticed was that it was a child, a baby boy, probably a year old with a deep head of black hair already and a rather nasty scar on his forehead, making a mental note to see if that was removable Marvin turned his attention to the carefully penned note attached to the boys blanket.

Reaching in he was mildly surprised that the basket was considerably warmer than the air around it, with no visible signs of electronic warming systems or thermal sources; he idly wondered what the basket would look like under a thermal scope before getting back to the subject at hand.

From what he could tell the note was written in a flowing hand script that showed a long history of such use, probably the older man as the younger giant didn't seem to have the hand coordination for such a delicate script.

From the right handed slant of the letters he could tell the writer was an open and personable individual, the connected letters indicated a systematic and logical mind behind the words.

He could tell the emotions behind the words as well, a lightness of a dangerous enemy defeated, a cautious concern that the fight is not yet finished, sadness for the loss of those close to him and a concern for the wellbeing of the child in question.

Glancing back down into the basket at the sleeping child Marvin shook his head, rule one of putting someone into hiding is you never send them to their relatives.

That was always the first place an assassin would check, and while he was no expert on wards he was willing to bet a silver nickel that like any other defense it was only as fool proof as the fool that couldn't get in.

Shaking his head as he finished reading the note Marvin could tell one thing right away, the writer had been sure that young Harry was both responsible for the defeat of this Voldemort character and desperately scared that he wasn't actually gone.

Pinching his face up in deep thought Marvin tried desperately to see a path through this potential mine field that didn't have him tap dancing his way through it blindly.

Glancing down at the sleeping tyke Marvin really wished Frank was here.

Marvin really wished Frank was here, not for his advice or anything but it would give him someone else to push the horrible bathrobe and ballgown abomination he had created onto.

Standing in the shadows across the street he glared darkly at the pub that trying to mess with his head, not that the stupid building had much chance of that thank you very much, his head had been messed with enough over the years.

Still while his eyes refused to focus on the building itself he could track the oddly dressed individuals that went and left from it with very little difficulty, the honest fact was his home sewn abomination wasn't even the oddest dressed person to move through the area.

He hated to admit it, but even his unique outlook would have overlooked the seedy pub if he hadn't been holding on to Harrys finger as they walked past it.

Once he did see it though his mind refused to let the image go, as such after nearly a day of careful observation from the record shop and run down book shop bordering it he had crafted his 'Wizards' disguise.

And by crafted he meant adjusted his LARP costume from a recent assassination he had masterminded in Denmark concerning a well off politically connected sociopath that had let the 'Bleed' from his adventure hobby bleed over to serial killings in the real world.

It had been one of the more surreal killings he had been forced to do.

He was keeping the crossbow though.

Shaking his head to clear the memory Marvin took a deep breath and with his eyes closed walked across the street, much to the consternation of the cabby that was attempting to use said street, and right through the doors of the leaky cauldron.

Shaking the fuzzy feeling he had collected from moving through the wards he glanced around the room for half a second before moving to a quiet table near the stairs.

Taking a seat he rubbed his hands on the crimson and emerald 'robe' he was wearing as a rather pleasant faced man stepped over and introduced himself as 'Tom' the proprietor of the establishment who wanted to know a bunch of suspicious questions like 'where are you from' and 'what will you have' and far more disturbingly 'who made your amazing robes'. The man was either a master of subtle espionage and was leading him into entrapping himself, or the man was actually an easily likable bartender that wanted to know about his newest customer.

Marvins experience lead him to believe the first and he carefully dropped a series of subtle word traps around the man who either delibratly evaded them or missed them entirely in ignorance.

As the pleasant man moved away to collect his requested Menudo soup and Lasandwich before he passed over a pair of golden tiger coins he had liberated form a Chinese weapons dealer that no longer had need of them, this had the barman frown for a few moments before pulling out a small cheat sheet of coinage and quickly making change for the odd eastern coinage and quickly made some change before returning with several hundred gold coins in change that Tom had thoughtfully places in a silk bag.

Nodding in thanks at the exchange Marvin quietly enjoyed his soup as he watched the comings and goings, the stairs were popular with several tenants making their way up and down as several more sat around the pub enjoying the food and drink while they read or just chatting with each other over a meal.

The problem was more people were coming in then were here or in theory were leaving, which told mad mind of Marvin that there was another exit, one probably concealed in much the same way as the first.

As he slowly chewed on the Lasagna sandwich abomination he had been served Marvin let his mind drift as it began putting the pieces together, each room had four corners, unless it was made by a madman and there was little indication of sanity around here, still four corners to the room, corner by the stairs, bright and open with an easy flow of traffic up and down no sudden shift in the flow that would indicate people joining from an invisible source.

Second was the corner by the door, tread pattern on the floor showed heavy wear in a straight in and out pathway, with the number of people lost through he doubted that would be the case if they turned suddenly to go elsewhere.

Next was the fireplace corner, an option given some of the odd traditions he had heard about when it came to magic but the tables made a sort of self contained maze that would cause a traffic jam of epic proportions.

Frowning around his sandwich Marvin ran the numbers through his head again, four corners. Stairs, Door, Fireplace, he blinked before he ran the three around in his head again and focused he knew he could tell three of the four corners, logically the fourth should hold the rear exit, an exit these people didn't want the normal people that might have accidently wandered in to find.

Fireplace, Door, Stairs. Stairs, Fireplace, Door. Door, Stairs, Fireplace.

He was so focused on the problem that he almost missed it when a slightly tipsy wizard brushed against his arm in passing, with a pop that he could feel more than hear Marvin finally took note of the fourth corner and the exit to the back alley that had people streaming in and out of it.

Much like the pub itself now that he had seen it his fractured mind refused to let him unsee it, the magical defenses next to worthless compared to the madness he had seen as a government experiment for eleven year.

Waiting until a particularly noisy crowd started moving towards the rear of the tavern Marvin finished his cows stomach soup up with a slurp before following the last of the group towards the back.

He was mildly surprised when they reached the read of the building and stood milling about for several seconds in a small courtyard; Marvin was equal parts confused at the empty section of space and annoyed at yet another obstacle in his way, whoever these people were they were serious about keeping the normal people out.

Keeping a keen eye out Marvin watched as the rather generously proportioned wizard in the lead carefully tapped a series of stones before the entire wall folded back before the astonished CIA operative's eyes.

Stepping through with the rest of the crowd Marvin took a quick glance around before moving quickly to his left as he began to browse through the odd selection of animals that the proprietor had picked for sale as a combination pet and potions ingredient that he reported also made a great leg warmer during the winter months.

Glancing over a Great Potoo Marvin took note of the new world he found himself in, stores and shops, a bank of some sort down at the end and several different alleys branching off the main each selling trinkets and miracles that would change the world at large.

Event the little pouch he had been given by the innkeeper was several times larger and lighter than it had any reason being, his mind was wirling with thoughts about what he could do with such a bag, the ease he could smuggle tools and weapons into enemy territories would be phenomenal the-

*Buy Me*

Blinking at the oddly toned voice in his head Marvin looked around carefully before focusing on the bird he was currently touching, the deep dark eyes watching him for several seconds before it happened again.

*Buy me little human, the guardians are becoming suspicious.*

At that Marvin took note of several people in uniform robes watching him carefully, he was surprised he had missed them in his first sweep but chalked it up to such a bizarre uniform.

Taking his hand off the birds feathers Marvin reached into his pouch and very carefully handed ten of the golden coins he had gotten from the barman across to the smiling merchant.

Without a second thought the massive bird stepped off it's perch and carefully walked it's way up Marvins arm to rest on his shoulder.

*Very good Human, I am the Great Potoo, while I am in contact you will be able to sense the magics around you,* the massive bird said Imperiously before turning it's dark eyes to glare at a rather seedy individual that had been sidling up to Marvin.

After a moments contemplation the man turned and began to move towards one of the DMLE agents that had been keeping watch on the mouth of the alley.

His arrest for attempting to steal from a law enforcement officer would open up a case on the illegal trade of counterfeit wands that would see a half dozen people arrested within the week.

He never could quite explain what had made him make such a stupid decision.

Ignorant of the drama he had left in his wake Marvin moved down the alley at the direction of the oddly telepathic bird until he found himself inside one of the many book stores that ran the length of the magical alley.

*This is better, people expect you to waste time in a book store.*

At that Marvin pouted for several long seconds before shooing the bird who took a short flight up to the top of the bookshelf where he could see it better. "Look, I'm… seventy one percent sure I'm not imagining this so whats your deal? Can you read my mind? What the hell are you and why were you being sold as a potions ingredient?" he hissed as he ran his fingers along the books in the hopes that people wouldn't call the police on him for arguing with an animal again.

In his defense the camel had totally started it.

*In order, my deal is my own, no I can not read your mind, I am The Great Potoo and I was being sold because the ignorant fool thought I was a regular great potoo.*

"Wha? I thought you were a great potoo?" Marvin grouched before the bird turned it's gaze on him with such contempt the CIA trained operative gulped, it almost felt like Victoria had found out about his involvement in the Big Ben debacle.

*I am not 'A' great potoo, I am 'THE' Great Potoo, much like you naming your spawn 'King' would no more anoint him with a lordship calling those lesser animals by my title will not make it so.*

Swallowing Marvin nodded and glanced back down at the books "Right, 'The' Great Potoo, well what does 'The' Great Potoo do?" he snarked slightly as he pulled out a book and thumbed through it.

*I can speak telepathically, see magic, a couple of minor mental tricks and I know things, not a vast amount but certainly more than you at the moment.*

"That's it?" Marvin asked as he glanced back up and then down again as he could tell the unchanging eyes were still glaring at him.

*I am a bird, what more do you want?*

Grumbling at the birds logic Marvin pouted again as he realized he was losing an argument to a bird.

*Now I know that you are trying to find out about magic, the question I have is why? And be aware if I find your answer lacking I will fry your brain like an omelet*

The book dropped from his numb fingers as Marvin looked up at the bird in shock "You can do that?"

*it's one of my minor mental tricks, the question is; are you one hundred percent sure that I can't?*

Running the numbers about in his head Marvin glanced both ways down the row before he licked his lips carefully "Sixty three percent" he admitted as the bird Ruffled it's feathers and loomed over him threateningly.

*Are you willing to bet your mental health on sixty three percent?*

For a moment Marvin considered the odds before he sighed and pulled another book off the shelf "I found a kid, he is magical and is some sort of child hero, I'll-" he paused as he tasted the words he was about to admit before he continued "I'll feel bad about it if he is assassinated." Marvin admitted as the bird watched him carefully for several seconds before it let it's feathers settle.

*Very well, I will assist you in this, I am the Great Potoo, you may call me 'The Great Potoo' anything else will see your brain fried.* the bird intoned seriously before it began moving about the shelves and pointing out books it expected Marvin to purchase.

Mentally grumbling about bossy feather dusters Marvin moved around after his new companion picking up books that the bird said would help him in raising a magical child.

I do not own Harry Potter or R.E.D - Retired Extremely Dangerous


End file.
